about values and relationships

There is a lot to say about relationships. I believe that many things have changed in the last forty years in the way relationships work. Years ago, roles were more clear and defined for men and women. Agreement was not something you would really talk about but was assumed. Today I think is a negotiation and if both are willing to do that, then you have an agreement. Even if it is not actually spoken but acted and clearly understood by both, it is an agreement.
Most important and a top reason why couples have good or bad relationships has to do with each other’s life views, perception about the other, different approaches to solve problems, etc. If both have similar values and priorities, the relationship has better chances to work.
In my experience, both personal and professional relationships work better when values, beliefs and goals are shared. Many times problems come from negotiating what is not negotiable, and one, sooner or later regrets that agreement. Couples may agree to something, that deep inside was not negotiable, and was negotiated. This situation will most likely be a trigger to conflict.
First of all, self-awareness and honesty with oneself about what is important is required to make decisions in our best interest. As important is, taking responsibility for our choices and consequences.
In my practice I have seen how fear of losing a partner by not agreeing with him or her causes the feared rupture. All because sooner or later this arrangement has become the stone in the shoe that bothers at the beginning but turns into pain until it is unbearable. We end up losing our partners, friends, jobs, etc. because of those agreements, (false agreements).
In conclusion clarifying our values, which in other words are our priorities, standards of how we like to behave, way of life, how to be treated, etc. will provide relationships with information that is essential to grow and create a fulfilling and harmonious bond with each other.